she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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