You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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