All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
