found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize