we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
