ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
