Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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