What did we do last night that was yellow?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize