Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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