My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
