your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
