brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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