my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
