It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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