I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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