Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
