I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
