hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
