I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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