I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
