I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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