Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
