She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize