So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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