There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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