You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
