This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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