Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
