Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
