Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The adults are the big ones right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
