Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
