Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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