mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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