Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
