It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
