Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
