if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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