Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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