JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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