dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
