Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Randomize
