OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
