He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
