i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
