i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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