I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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