Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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