so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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