it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Shame is for Republicans.
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