Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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