She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize