just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize