I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
