i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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