We're facebook friends in real life
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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