dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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