Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
