I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
