She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
