i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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