3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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