You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
