She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
