You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
