Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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