Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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