Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
