he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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