yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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