This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
