Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
